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It all began with this excerpt from an idle Gmail chat had on 9/13/08:
confuzzled: So I've decided there must be something in the water around here . . .
Everyone I know (my roommates aside) seems to be getting married this summer/fall
10:38 PM I just got another wedding invite in the mail
Except it's a Catholic wedding
That will be a new experience for me
I've only ever been to non-denominational weddings
me: Oh
Getting married is--
I dunno
10:39 PM The cool thing for twenty-somethings in Utah, it seems
Did you know that?
confuzzled: I had noticed, actually
me: I thought you lived in this state a long time....
confuzzled: I've never lived anywhere but this state
10:40 PM I'm just irked because the invitation for the wedding and reception said "Katie and Guest"
me: And you've made it this long without drinking the water?
You must be thirsty
confuzzled: Well, it's mostly college friends . . . so it's something that must have been added to the water in Ogden recently
me: Whatever you do don't drink it
Could be
dangerous....
=)
10:41 PM confuzzled: Well, since I live in Salt Lake, I needn't worry about drinking the Ogden water
me: Oh
right
...silly me...
So all these people getting married are in Ogden?
You have--a lot of connections there?
10:42 PM confuzzled: This particular couple is getting married in Layton . . . but they met in Ogden
And their reception is actually at the Weber Alumni Center
10:43 PM me: It's a Catholic wedding, and it isn't in a church?
confuzzled: The wedding is in a church. The church is in Layton.
The reception is at the alumni center.
me: Ohhh
Okay, I get it
10:44 PM And you're irked because--
Because you're supposed to bring a guest, and if either of you drink the water, it might make for an interesting night in Vegas?
confuzzled: Because I'm supposed to be a guest
10:45 PM me: Cuz Vegas and Ogden are so close....
confuzzled: And I know that in this instance, "guest" = "date"
me: Ah
confuzzled: It's karmic payback, really
me: How so?
confuzzled: I was telling my friend Steve on Thursday how much I dislike asking guys out and how there was no way I'd be asking a guy out any time soon
10:46 PM The invitation came in the mail the next day . . .
me: Well
Serves you right, then
e
r
something like that
[e+r=er]
confuzzled: I caught that
Well, see, I really hate asking guys out because I don't drive
10:47 PM So it's not like I can take them to the event
me: Oh
I see
That makes some sense
...I guess...
10:48 PM confuzzled: I'm kind of wishing I didn't really like both of these people
(The couple getting married both are good friends of mine; we all tutored together at the WSU Writing Center)
10:49 PM Because then I'd not feel guilty about RSVPing "Sorry, not coming"
me: Well, that's what you get for having friends
10:50 PM confuzzled: I know. I should have just been an antisocial jerk.
Then I wouldn't have this problem
me: Well, it's never too late to change, you know
Just lace your RSVP with anthrax or some such
10:51 PM Then there won't be a reception for you to miss
No more potential for guilt for being a no show
(...just for being a murderous terrorist)
10:52 PM confuzzled: You're so helpful!
10:53 PM me: I do what I can
10:54 PM confuzzled: The guy my roommates think I should ask lives in Ogden, so I won't ask him . . . because even if I had him pick me up from my parents', he'd still have to drive down to Centerville, then back to Layton, then to Ogden, then back to Centerville
And I don't think I'm worth the gas money, to be quite frank
me: Woah, easy now
10:55 PM I'd hate for you to squeeze some semblence of kind words out of me
confuzzled: I'm just stating plain fact
And you don't have to squeeze out any kind words
Because I was already roundly chastized by my roommate for making that particular comment.
me: Fat lot of good it did, I see....
10:56 PM confuzzled: It may shock you to learn that I'm just about as stubborn as they come
(Then again, it may not)
me: Nope, didn't shock me
A couple days later (9/15/08), this Gmail chat occurred:
me:
8:57 PM So did you spend yesterday hitting on all the boys in your ward to try to rustle up a date? ;P confuzzled: Yesterday, we actually had the big-stake-conference-type thingie in the Conference Center
So that would be a no
8:58 PM Although between the stress caused by thinking about that, trying to figure out what my comp theory professors wants us to do exactly, and general life pressures, I did manage to give myself a migraine
Because I'm that talented
(And that much a basket case)
me: Wow--
8:59 PM and now you're--
looking at a computer screen?
Bet that's ril good for the migraine!
confuzzled: Oh, it's gone now
me: You're crazy =P
Oh
confuzzled: It was in full force this morning
So I medicated it, called work, and went back to bed
till I had class
Can't miss class
me: Yeah...
9:00 PM confuzzled: As for me being crazy, tell me something I didn't already know ;)
me: I'm crazy, too!
Or did you know that already?
9:01 PM confuzzled: Oh, I was pretty darn sure
me: Well
now you know
Are you really that stressed about that reception thing?
Shoot
9:02 PM When is it?
I don't have a car just now
But I will within a week
I can cruise up to SLC and onward to--
to--
that place you said it was
confuzzled: Layton and Ogden?
To go to a wedding and a reception?
me: Yeah, that one
confuzzled: With some crazy girl?
who, at the moment, is a total wreck?
me: ESPECIALLY a crazy girl
confuzzled: You're more daring than I thought.
me: No
crazy
9:03 PM The distinction is slight but, in this case, vital
And so we went to the wedding. It was pretty much the maiden voyage of The Manimal, and it was a blind date with someone I met online--really, there was all sorts of potential for really horrible, awkward, random, painful, hi-larious things to occur, but I regret to say that it went off without much of a hitch (except for the wedding, I guess. Get it? They got--hitched! Ahardyharhar...). There was that one part where I got us lost in a sprawling field and we ended up at the tollbooth entrance to an island and had to turn around and search for a freeway, but even that wasn't too bad because we had plenty of time to kill between the wedding and the reception anyway.
At the reception, they had a guy making balloon animals--balloon butterflies, I might add! They also had complimentary bubbles for all the guests--bubbles, I say! It was pretty much the best reception ever.
Unfortunately, after I took Confuzzled back to her place and then returned to Provo, I developed my first symptoms of salmonella poisoning, so my journal doesn't record many details of the actual social excursion. Just as an aside, though, Confuzzled looked smashingly good in blue. (Are you blushing, Confuzzled?)
So there you have it.
4 comments:
Where do I begin here? Well, let's start at the end. No, I'm not blushing at all. Possibly because all of my blushing got worked out of my system earlier this evening by some dinner guests . . . but that's a different story for a different day.
Why am I not blushing? Because I look dang good in blue, of course. That's not a lie.
But a number of points.
A. I'm really glad neither of us knew about all of the technical difficulties with the Manimal, or I might have feared for my safety.
B. That "hitch" pun? Terrible.
C. If you would have paid more attention to my directions, you wouldn't have gotten quite so lost between the wedding and the reception.
D. Thank you, by the way, for eventually paying enough attention to what I told you to get us headed back in the right direction.
E. I object to the descriptor "ole." Even if I am chronologically older than you, I'm not that much older than you.
F. I'm a little disappointed that you didn't use the ending of this and the reference to the salmonella poisoning to make some snide remark like "She made me sick."
G. It would seem that the two of us are more civilized in person. Or maybe more reserved. Something about inhibitions and actually having some . . . If we ever see each other in person again, I vote we get into a ridiculous fight.
That is all.
A. Me too--on both counts!
B. Terrible enough to get a face-palm?
C. I seem to remember you saying stuff like, "Yeah, this way will work. We've got time." And when I asked things like, "Is this the way you wanted to go?" you said things like, "Oh it's okay. It'll work. We'll get there one way or another."
D. You mean after we got to that island in the middle of nowhere and I said, "I have no idea where we are. Do you know how to get back to the highway?" Yeah. You're so helpful.
E. Deal with it.
F. I figured that was the obvious conclusion.
(G. I've been trying to employ my obstinate-male voice in this comment--did it come through? I'm all for ridiculous fights, but I must admit that I don't have much practice in such things.)
Oh whatever. If you wouldn't have made a couple of random turns in the opposite direction I suggested, you wouldn't have ended up anywhere near Antelope Island. Seriously.
And no, the pun didn't warrant a head nod. But it did warrant a woeful shake of the head.
And I meant the pun didn't warrant a face palm. Apparently, my body AND my brain are on vacation today . . .
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