This could only happen to me

Yesterday, I was out wandering the streets of Provo while talking on my cellphone. When my conversation ended, I headed back to my apartment. Just as I was reaching my complex, a girl I vaguely recognized as being from my ward hailed me from the other side of the street, so I walked on over.

"Hey Kyle," she said, "we were thinking--well, first, do you know who I am?"

"Um," I said. "You're in the ward. You teach Sunday school sometime. Your name is--Ashley?"

"Yeah!" she said. "Are you dating anyone?"

"Uh, no?"

"Great!" she said. "You know Esther in the ward? You know Esther--nice Esther, has your color hair, does a lot of activity stuff--how can I describe her?--she's the one who looks like what you would look like if you were a girl!"

Um. What? Okay....

"Yeah," I said. "I know her."

"Me and my roommates asked her if it'd be okay for us to set her up with a boy in the ward, and she said yes, so we were thinking about it, and we think you two'd make a great couple, so will you ask her out?"

"Sure," I said. "I've actually toyed with the idea, but I don't know what she likes doing."

A near truth: I've actually toyed with the idea, but I have stronger interests elsewhere.

"Really?" she said. "That's great! Okay. I'll call her and tell her and ask what she likes to do, and then I'll call you. Kay?"

Wait, what? You--huh?

"Okay...."

"Thanks, Kyle!" she said, turning to go into her apartment. "I'll call you soon!"

Weird.

I went into my apartment and relayed this most curious story to my roommates, who all agreed that it was very strange indeed. About 45 minutes later, I got a call from a number I didn't recognize.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Kyle?"

"Yeah."

"This is Ashley. I just got off the phone with Esther. (I love how I'm being, like, a middle man. Isn't it adorable?) She said she knows it's lame but she's okay with doing whatever so you can just call her and ask her out and she'll be okay with whatever you think of. She seems like the fun sort of girl who's enthusiastic about whatever, so I'm sure you'll have fun. You seem like a creative dater. Are you a creative dater? Is that a good characteristic to have for you?"

"Uh, I try to be."

"I thought so. You seemed like the creative dater type. Anyway, I know she likes outdoorsy stuff like being out in nature and things, so you might wanna do something like that, but whatever you think of should be good."

"Okay."

"Balls in your court, Kyle! It's all up to you now!"

"Um. Thank you."

"No problem. Okay I'll talk to you later. I'll probably ask Esther all about it later and get a full report, but I might ask you too."

"Okay...."

"Thanks, Kyle! Talk to you later!"

I'm somehow reminded of the events leading up to that trip to the canyon....

Anyway, this story was too fantastic not to tell, so I told it to just about everyone I saw for the whole rest of the day. When ward prayer rolled around that night, my plan was to ask Esther out when I saw her, but she never showed up. However, just about everyone else wanted to know if I had asked her out yet--and not just people I had told about it: apparently Ashely was spreading the word too. A group of girls I home teach saw me leaving after ward prayer and asked me if I had asked Esther out yet; I told them I was going to go call her right now. They told me to just go over to her place, and pointed out her apartment to me, so I went straight over.

I knocked on the door and a roommate let me in, telling me that Esther was washing her face but that she'd be out in a minute. I told the roommate the story, and she found it quite ridiculous. About the time the story ended, we heard the bathroom door open, so she went to apprise Esther of my being there:

"Esther," she said, "Kyle's here to talk to you."

"Right now?" a nonplussed, flat, croaky voice said.

"I can go away if it's a bad time, Esther!" I called. "I will come pester you some other day."

The roommate peeked around the corner and whispered, "She's been a little sick today."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked. "Esther! I'm sorry! I'll come bother you later!"

Esther came around the corner looking tired and--I dunno--just not feeling well, but she had a pleasant sort of expression on her face--something like, "I don't really want to see anybody right now, but I'll make an exception for you."

"So, Esther, howzitgoin'?" I asked slowly.

"Well. Ya know."

"Yeah. So. Ashley talk to you?"

"Yeah," she said. "Kinda makes me feel like I'm back in middle school."

"Yeah," I said. "Well, I was gonna ask you out right now, but I think I'll wait until sometime when you're feeling better."

"Thanks."

"Kay. So. I'll, like, bug you sometime next week then, probably."

"Okay. Thanks, Kyle."

"Yeah, no problem. I'll see ya later." I got up to leave. "Hope you feel better soon."

"Thanks. See ya."

"Bye."