Not you! I meant the saxophone!

This is my first Faux Pas post. I've been holding off on publishing my faux pas--especially now that I know that people are actually apt to read this blog from time to time--but I entitled the blog Fake Dates and Faux Pas, so I can't hardly have a Fake Date label and not one for Faux Pas. So the Faux Pas label is the one you click on when you wanna feel better about yourself: these are the posts you can look and say, "Well, at least I'm smarter than that kid!" This is, for me, a dramatic exercise in humility. Typing these stories will be, I trust, extremely painful for me. I just hope somebody somewhere enjoys them sometime.

So here we go. Faux Pas #1. As recorded in my journal 7 November 2007:

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I have once again been reminded about how poor my verbal communication skills are.

Last night, I borrowed Sarah's tenor sax for a while to jam with Denny and Ben. When she gave it to me, she warned me that it might taste funny because so many people have used it.

"I know," I said. "I know she gets around. That one night alone, she made out with you, me, and Jenny."

"It's true," Sarah said, laughing.

This isn't the first time we've talked about her saxophone in such a way: it's sort of a running joke. Because of that, my plan for returning the sax was to knock on her door and start sucking on the mouthpiece in such a way as to appear to be making out when the door opened--not that I have much experience in making out...or even simple kissing, really....

But apt. 44 makes cookies every Tuesday night, so after our jam session, we all went and got cookies. I didn't want to get masticated cookie nastiness all over the mouthpiece, so I satisfied myself by gently stoking the saxophone's neck when she opened the door.

Sarah laughed.

"What?" I asked.

"I just think it's funny," she said: "you and my saxophone--and a cookie."

"It's cookie night!" I protested.

"Oh yeah!" she said. "I forgot. I'll have to go get some."

"I promise I didn't play your saxophone after eating any cookies," I said.

"I know," she said. "I just thought it was funny."

"You should be grateful for this cookie," I told her: "I was gonna subject you to a make-out session, but I didn't want to do it with a cookie in my mouth, so this cookie saved you from that."

Sarah's eyes opened wide in sudden shock, and she started laughing hysterically, almost dropping the saxophone I had just given back to her.

And I, being the naive guy I am, didn't realize until this morning while I was showering--about 10 hours later--why she found that so shacking.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.

Aiyiyi, Jepson. How on earth was she supposed to know you were talking about the saxophone?

Geez.

After getting dried off and dressed, I checked my gmail and noticed that she was online.

We had the following conversation (it starts with "hi again" because yesterday we chatted through gmail for the first time):

me: Hi again
Sarah: hey there
me: So.
Um
Last night on your doorstep
I was talking about making out with your sax
Is that what you got out of it?
Sarah: OH!!!
LoL!
I actually thought you were talking about me...That's why I was laughing so hard, 'cause I didn't think you were the type of person who would say something like that and it surprised me but in a very amusing way and I couldn't help but laugh.
lol
No worries

Danny walked in as I was closing Gmail and asked what I was doing. I kinda told him, though I didn't say exactly what was said, and he responded, "So she misunderstood you when you said, 'You wanna make out with me?'?"

*sigh*

Yeah. Verbal communication not really at a high now, no.